By Jeff Sternlieb, PhD
The Pennsylvania Psychologist
June 2012
During the 2011 annual PPA Ethics Educators Conference, an exchange occurred that could, met with the right attitude, guide our organization in creating safe learning spaces. Here’s what happened:
The exchange
The chair of the Ethics Committee began by identifying the content of the program for the day and then introduced the “luminaries” present: past presidents of PPA and significant contributors to ethics education. He ended with a specific request to be respectful of each other in our exchange of ideas and then introduced the morning’s presenters.
When the first pair of presenters described their roles, the second made a comment about being a longtime sidekick – Robin to the first one’s Batman. Immediately, someone in the audience remarked, “Oh, I guess that means you’re gay,” chuckling as though it were a joke. A ripple of laughter from the audience quickly subsided as the presenters moved on without any comment about the “joke,” even though it occurred minutes after the Ethics chair requested sensitivity.
My thoughts
Immediately I struggled. I wondered whether anyone would respond to the remark. I believed we were all, through our silence, colluding with the “joke” and placing in an unfair position anyone who was gay or simply cognizant of the impact of such comments on any minority member.
I shared my concern with a colleague next to me, who did not seem to consider it nearly as significant. I was considering what I should do, but doing or saying nothing was not an option. Two choices occurred to me: say something to the entire group, potentially embarrassing the person who made the remark, or say something to him at the break. The former had the potential to interfere with the ethics program; the latter might determine the speaker’s awareness of the remark’s impact and intent to address it in the larger group. I chose the latter.
The conversation
When I asked the quipster whether he was aware of the possible impact of his comment, he indicated that not only was he aware, but that he had already addressed it during a small-group discussion. He said he regretted it the minute it came out of his mouth, and that he worked with a number of gay clients in a setting in which his comment would have been heard differently. It struck me as a justification rather than an understanding of its potentially negative impact in the current context. He said he appreciated that I brought the concern to him but made no offer to discuss it with the larger group. He had not heard the term “microaggression” when I used it. Included in his small discussion group had been the Ethics chair, who approached while we were talking and asked whether I would be willing to share my experience with the larger group. I agreed.
The organic process
After the morning break, one psychologist, new to the Ethics Educators Conference, questioned how the earlier comment had impacted the learning, sharing environment. This opened the opportunity to share these issues in a natural way, and the Ethics chair publicly invited me to share what we discussed during break. This person’s independent concern supported my belief that such comments have an impact. Save for those who speak out, we cannot know how many others have been affected.
I shared my reaction, thought process, and conversation. I then invited the quipster to share his perspective, and he did, explaining that he worked with a largely gay clientele, apologizing to anyone he might have offended, and repeating that he had regretted his remark immediately after making it.
Audience reactions
Some participants thanked the new attendee for her courage in raising this issue, while others commended the quipster for his apology. One asked what the fuss was about, saying she did not recall hearing any offensive remarks. One person rejected the idea that he was collusive, having heard the remark less negatively. Another asked how this had become Jeff Sternlieb’s issue. Others expressed discomfort at censoring comments that might be seen as offensive to any one person, resisting “political correctness.” One participant noted a significant bias toward calling on male participants to the exclusion of women.
Analysis
All comments struck me as introductory and reactive. No one sought clarification. We did not converse. While no time was scheduled to explore these issues, I was surprised at the lack of informal discussion during lunch or break. These issues seemed too hot to handle and we seemed too uncomfortable to talk about them. Though the exchange introduced the opportunity to learn, our inability to talk effectively stopped us from naming our experience and the concepts involved, including:
· Privilege. Those of us with privilege – especially we who are white, male, heterosexual, and relatively financially secure – tend to minimize the perspectives of those who are marginalized. While none of us want an environment in which we cannot talk about race, sexual orientation, or gender because we are afraid of offending others, we seem to do the opposite: fail to take others seriously when insensitivity is identified. Just because clients or friends are gay does not give us the freedom to make jokes about being gay, particularly among those we may not know well. When any group is singled out, it impacts all groups who have been marginalized.
· Collusion can be active or passive. Active collusion involves direct participation in the offense, and might involve adding to an initial insult or joke, thus amplifying the impact. This “joining in” sanctions the remark, making it easier for others to “pile on” with similar comments and more difficult for anyone to object. Passive collusion consists of saying or doing nothing, thereby lending tacit support to an unacceptable statement. To object may be seen as a personal affront, discomfiting, or unnecessarily confrontational.
· Microaggressions are comments that may seem innocent, harmless, or even complimentary but contain demeaning implications or hidden messages. They “...are the brief and everyday slights, insults, indignities and denigrating messages” sent to minorities in subtle, unintended discrimination (Sue, 2010). Sue describes three types: micro-assaults, micro-insults, and micro-invalidations. A useful website, http://microaggressions.com, lists many examples of such comments.
· Political correctness. The primary reason we should not joke about people’s race, gender, or sexual orientation is that these characteristics are personal. In the context of a professional exploration of issues, a reference might not be microaggressive, but a joke about a minority made as an aside is a personal affront, and to not recognize it as such IS to collude.
· Misapplication of Golden Rule. The Golden Rule, “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you,” does not address individual and group preferences; we cannot assume that because a remark might not offend us that it won’t offend others. An alternate rule, the “Platinum Rule,” can be helpful: “Treat others as they want to be treated,” which would require asking rather than assuming.
The fact that one seemingly simple comment raises so many questions, issues, and reactions suggests we in PPA have a lot more to learn. Having a Committee on Multiculturalism and a host of resources (including a CE program) is not a guarantee of progress. Having this experience in vivo can teach more than any didactic exercise.
The comment one person made could have been made by any of us. The real challenge, in my view, is how we respond.
Reference
Sue, D. W. (2010). Microaggressions in everyday life: Race, gender and sexual orientation. New York, NY: John Wiley and Sons.