By Ellen Barry
The New York Times
Originally posted 24 July 25
The last time Jeff Axelbank spoke to his psychoanalyst, on a Thursday in June, they signed off on an ordinary note.
They had been talking about loss and death; Dr. Axelbank was preparing to deliver a eulogy, and he left the session feeling a familiar lightness and sense of relief. They would continue their discussion at their next appointment the following day.
“Can you confirm, are we going to meet tomorrow at our usual time?”
“I’m concerned that I haven’t heard from you. Maybe you missed my text last night.”
“My concern has now shifted to worry. I hope you’re OK.”
After the analyst failed to show up for three more sessions, Dr. Axelbank received a text from a colleague. “I assume you have heard,” it said, mentioning the analyst’s name. “I am sending you my deepest condolences.”
Dr. Axelbank, 67, is a psychologist himself, and his professional network overlapped with his analyst’s. So he made a few calls and learned something that she had not told him: She had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in April and had been going through a series of high-risk treatments. She had died the previous Sunday. (The New York Times is not naming this therapist, or the others in this article, to protect their privacy.)
Here are some thoughts:
The unexpected illness or death of a therapist can be deeply traumatic for patients, often leading to feelings of shock, heartbreak, and abandonment due to the sudden cessation of a highly personal relationship. Despite ethical guidelines requiring therapists to plan for such events, many neglect this crucial responsibility, and professional associations do not monitor compliance. This often leaves patients without proper notification or transition of care, learning of their therapist's death impersonally, such as through a locked office door or the newspaper.
The article highlights the profound impact on patients like Dr. Jeff Axelbank, who experienced shock and anger after his psychoanalyst's undisclosed illness and death, feeling "lied to" about her condition. Other patients, like Meghan Arthur, also felt abandoned and confused by their therapists' lack of transparency regarding their health. This underscores the critical need for psychologists to confront their own mortality and establish "professional wills" or similar plans to ensure compassionate communication and continuity of care for patients. Initiatives like TheraClosure are emerging to provide professional executor services, recognizing that a sensitive response can mitigate traumatic loss for patients.
