By Jesse Matthews
PPA Member
My graduate school philosophy has always been to take things one semester at a time. I thought about the future, but usually in a “four more years until I graduate” kind of way. I figured that if I concentrated on my courses, my work (always a full-time job and sometimes part-time jobs), and my family life, I wouldn’t get too overwhelmed and things would work out fine. I attribute this approach to a lack of knowledge, but probably also to not wanting to know everything that was ahead.
PPA Member
 |
| Jesse Matthews |
This approach served me well until around my fourth year when I was mid-way through practicum. It probably was not until then that I began hearing about the internship crisis and just how many students were affected by it. I convinced myself then that this only happened to “bottom of the barrel” students, i.e. those who didn’t have the best grades or who weren’t willing to work hard enough. I continued focusing on my grades; getting my practicum hours; doing extra things like more research, volunteering, and getting more involved in professional organizations, and just getting through it one semester at a time, trying to set myself apart from the rest.
In 2010, when I was finishing my second year of practicum, I attended the annual Internship Workshop at the APA Convention in San Diego. I can’t tell you I’ve ever seen so many anxious people in one place! I had been part of the APAGS Convention Committee, so through my involvement with APA I became more aware of the internship crisis and the specifics of the issue.
It was around this time that I became aware of my false beliefs about the Match, and learned that it could happen to anyone. Certainly some students were likely to be at a disadvantage, but with the many confounding variables involved in the process, these were not the only factors at work. This is when I began to feel really anxious, but I told myself that if I did all that I could do to have the best application possible, then that would be all that I could do, so I shouldn’t worry about things that are beyond my control. I had a 4.0 GPA, a good number of practicum hours, I was on an APA committee, and I had a lot of other good experience under my belt. Having a family and also working full-time to pay bills I felt I had a disadvantage, but I knew I had to just do the best I could. And not only did I have less time available, but relocation was not an option for me. I felt a lot of anxiety at this point, and as though there were so many things out of my control. At this point, as I was writing and rewriting essays, studying for my comprehensive exams, and working on my dissertation, my goal became to “match, or else”.
Or else, what? What would I do if I didn’t match? What would that be like?
As I began my doctoral program, and even a few years in, I had no idea of what I would soon be facing. Sure, I would finish- however things turned out, but I just didn’t see any other option but for it to work out the first time. I had invested too much time and money and have made too many sacrifices to come this far and to have my career stalled. I had a pretty good master’s level job with a nice schedule and was paying the bills, but I had been in school for over ten years and just wanted to get done. I was tired. I could have stayed at my job if needed, though I had no idea how I would begin to pay student loans during my extra, unplanned year off.
I had also been promising my wife for however many years that “I’ll be done soon”. She’s not in psychology or a graduate program, so she probably only vaguely understood when I tried to explain it. And I had to explain it many times- to my wife, other family members, friends, coworkers, and so on.
If I didn’t match I would have to continue to work for another year- more than that, actually, but I would reapply and hope it worked out the second time. To be honest I really couldn’t stomach that option. I also couldn’t bear the thought of graduation- and a better life for my family, being put on hold for some undefined period of time.
What if I didn’t match the second time around?
There was no way I could begin to think about that. Despite my anxiety I was determined to apply to all of the local sites which would be a good fit, to do my homework on them, and to ace the interviews. I literally lost a lot of sleep, but I followed every recommendation and piece of advice I was given, and though I continued to feel anxious, I tried my best to focus on my other responsibilities. So around that time I passed my comps, applied to internships, and continued with my dissertation. Though I had so much going on at once, it helped me to focus on one thing at a time, again not looking too far into the future.
I applied to 22 internship sites, including a number which were in my program’s consortium. Luckily I live in the Philadelphia area and there are a lot of sites close by, though I heard it’s also a competitive area. I applied to a range of sites- some I knew were competitive (relatively speaking, since they’re ALL competitive!), and others that I perceived as less so.
I waited until the notification date and then I began to hear about interviews. My first response was a “yes” (interview), which was quickly followed by something like 15 “no’s”. I was discouraged, but ended up being invited for seven interviews. I can’t say this wasn’t a blow to my self-confidence though, as I didn’t get interviews at any APA-accredited sites. I had a lot of negative self-talk at this time, but convinced myself that I was a good candidate and things would turn out just fine. I knew this wouldn’t affect me too much for where I saw myself in the future- but since I always want to have options available, I saw it as limiting, and I was upset. By interview time I was over it though, and again determined to do my best in the interviews.
I ended up going on six interviews, as one site called before my scheduled date to say that they would be closing and there would be no internship for that year. I felt more badly for the employees losing their jobs, so I wasn’t too bothered by this- particularly since it would have been a distance for me to travel and it wasn’t my top choice at that point.
I had two weeks off from my job every year for winter break, so I did my best to schedule interviews during that time. Inevitably, however, I had to take time off to attend interviews. And although my employer knew what I was going through, I caught flack for taking that time off. This, of course, was another source of stress that I didn’t need, but had to manage.
I went to all of my interviews, including three in one day, and tried to “knock ‘em dead”. Afterward I went over each site with my wife, weighing the pros and cons, as well as my overall feeling about each, and then I did my rankings. After that I waited until Match day, trying my best to focus on the other things I had going on at the time, such as my dissertation. This was a period of about a month, and it was out of my hands at that point and I did all that I could do. I refused to think that I might not match, while maintaining confidence that I had a lot to offer and that it had to have been noticed by someone.
The night before Match day I remember getting very little sleep. It was like when I was a kid and we were going on vacation the next day- except much different. It wasn’t a feeling of pure excitement, but more of uneasiness, as I hoped for the best but feared the worst. Match day was either going to be a great day- the culmination (at that point) of a lot of time, effort, and sacrifice, and proof that I would in fact graduate on time- OR, it was going to be a terrible day, indicating that I had stalled in my quest to graduate and to have a career, and it was back to the drawing board for at least one more year.
I woke up and checked my e-mail and there was nothing there yet, though I didn’t expect anything to be there. I think you were supposed to find out if you matched (and where) by 11am EST. I had to be at work by 8:00, so I tried to keep to my regular routine as much as possible, got ready, and drove to work. I had no smart phone yet, so I would have to wait until I got to work to check again. So I got to work, powered up my computer, checked my e-mail- and there it was- an e-mail from APPIC with my Match status. I opened it up and found that I had matched with my first choice internship site.
WWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!! (the sound of relief and excitement at the same time)
I called my wife and told her about it. Again, she was excited, but didn’t really get the whole gravity of the matter or understand just how much was on the line. I updated my Facebook status, sat back and smiled, and then went to work. It was a very good day.
I have been on internship since September 1st of last year and am reaching the end of my graduate school career. To be honest I feel somewhat traumatized from the whole Match experience, as well as slightly jaded about my decision to become a psychologist. I do feel positive about my future, but the continued internship crisis is no doubt doing a significant amount of harm to the profession.
I felt for everyone applying for internship this year and going through the process. I wouldn’t wish the anxiety I felt about the whole process on anyone, and as it is now, I would have chosen a different path if I could go back and do it again. It would have been such a different experience if there were just enough internships to go around. I might have been concerned about where I would go and all of that, but I would know that something would work and I would graduate on time.
It’s different for people of different experiences and at different points in life I’m sure, but as a husband and father to three young boys, struggling just to make it- and someone who has been in school for now 13 years, I am still so thankful that I matched.
You hear about the numbers each year, and I think most people recognize that this process is tough, but that honestly doesn’t even begin to describe it. The anxiety and stress I felt at times was almost unbearable- to feel so little control over your future and what happens to you- and in some cases, your family.
Sure, we would have made it had I not matched, but I am really glad that I didn’t have to resort to a plan B. It’s not fair for anyone to have to go through that, and clearly something needs to be done to resolve this internship crisis. I have been fortunate to be a part of the APAGS Committee, and APAGS is very dedicated to bringing attention to the internship crisis and to working to find answers to alleviate it.
It is a very complicated issue as I have found, but most agree that the involved stakeholders need to take responsibility for their contribution to the issue, and become part of the solution instead of the problem. Although I successfully made it through the whole process, I remain very committed to helping others to get through it, as well as to brightening the future of our field of psychology.
In 2010, when I was finishing my second year of practicum, I attended the annual Internship Workshop at the APA Convention in San Diego. I can’t tell you I’ve ever seen so many anxious people in one place! I had been part of the APAGS Convention Committee, so through my involvement with APA I became more aware of the internship crisis and the specifics of the issue.
It was around this time that I became aware of my false beliefs about the Match, and learned that it could happen to anyone. Certainly some students were likely to be at a disadvantage, but with the many confounding variables involved in the process, these were not the only factors at work. This is when I began to feel really anxious, but I told myself that if I did all that I could do to have the best application possible, then that would be all that I could do, so I shouldn’t worry about things that are beyond my control. I had a 4.0 GPA, a good number of practicum hours, I was on an APA committee, and I had a lot of other good experience under my belt. Having a family and also working full-time to pay bills I felt I had a disadvantage, but I knew I had to just do the best I could. And not only did I have less time available, but relocation was not an option for me. I felt a lot of anxiety at this point, and as though there were so many things out of my control. At this point, as I was writing and rewriting essays, studying for my comprehensive exams, and working on my dissertation, my goal became to “match, or else”.
Or else, what? What would I do if I didn’t match? What would that be like?
As I began my doctoral program, and even a few years in, I had no idea of what I would soon be facing. Sure, I would finish- however things turned out, but I just didn’t see any other option but for it to work out the first time. I had invested too much time and money and have made too many sacrifices to come this far and to have my career stalled. I had a pretty good master’s level job with a nice schedule and was paying the bills, but I had been in school for over ten years and just wanted to get done. I was tired. I could have stayed at my job if needed, though I had no idea how I would begin to pay student loans during my extra, unplanned year off.
I had also been promising my wife for however many years that “I’ll be done soon”. She’s not in psychology or a graduate program, so she probably only vaguely understood when I tried to explain it. And I had to explain it many times- to my wife, other family members, friends, coworkers, and so on.
If I didn’t match I would have to continue to work for another year- more than that, actually, but I would reapply and hope it worked out the second time. To be honest I really couldn’t stomach that option. I also couldn’t bear the thought of graduation- and a better life for my family, being put on hold for some undefined period of time.
What if I didn’t match the second time around?
There was no way I could begin to think about that. Despite my anxiety I was determined to apply to all of the local sites which would be a good fit, to do my homework on them, and to ace the interviews. I literally lost a lot of sleep, but I followed every recommendation and piece of advice I was given, and though I continued to feel anxious, I tried my best to focus on my other responsibilities. So around that time I passed my comps, applied to internships, and continued with my dissertation. Though I had so much going on at once, it helped me to focus on one thing at a time, again not looking too far into the future.
I applied to 22 internship sites, including a number which were in my program’s consortium. Luckily I live in the Philadelphia area and there are a lot of sites close by, though I heard it’s also a competitive area. I applied to a range of sites- some I knew were competitive (relatively speaking, since they’re ALL competitive!), and others that I perceived as less so.
I waited until the notification date and then I began to hear about interviews. My first response was a “yes” (interview), which was quickly followed by something like 15 “no’s”. I was discouraged, but ended up being invited for seven interviews. I can’t say this wasn’t a blow to my self-confidence though, as I didn’t get interviews at any APA-accredited sites. I had a lot of negative self-talk at this time, but convinced myself that I was a good candidate and things would turn out just fine. I knew this wouldn’t affect me too much for where I saw myself in the future- but since I always want to have options available, I saw it as limiting, and I was upset. By interview time I was over it though, and again determined to do my best in the interviews.
I ended up going on six interviews, as one site called before my scheduled date to say that they would be closing and there would be no internship for that year. I felt more badly for the employees losing their jobs, so I wasn’t too bothered by this- particularly since it would have been a distance for me to travel and it wasn’t my top choice at that point.
I had two weeks off from my job every year for winter break, so I did my best to schedule interviews during that time. Inevitably, however, I had to take time off to attend interviews. And although my employer knew what I was going through, I caught flack for taking that time off. This, of course, was another source of stress that I didn’t need, but had to manage.
I went to all of my interviews, including three in one day, and tried to “knock ‘em dead”. Afterward I went over each site with my wife, weighing the pros and cons, as well as my overall feeling about each, and then I did my rankings. After that I waited until Match day, trying my best to focus on the other things I had going on at the time, such as my dissertation. This was a period of about a month, and it was out of my hands at that point and I did all that I could do. I refused to think that I might not match, while maintaining confidence that I had a lot to offer and that it had to have been noticed by someone.
The night before Match day I remember getting very little sleep. It was like when I was a kid and we were going on vacation the next day- except much different. It wasn’t a feeling of pure excitement, but more of uneasiness, as I hoped for the best but feared the worst. Match day was either going to be a great day- the culmination (at that point) of a lot of time, effort, and sacrifice, and proof that I would in fact graduate on time- OR, it was going to be a terrible day, indicating that I had stalled in my quest to graduate and to have a career, and it was back to the drawing board for at least one more year.
I woke up and checked my e-mail and there was nothing there yet, though I didn’t expect anything to be there. I think you were supposed to find out if you matched (and where) by 11am EST. I had to be at work by 8:00, so I tried to keep to my regular routine as much as possible, got ready, and drove to work. I had no smart phone yet, so I would have to wait until I got to work to check again. So I got to work, powered up my computer, checked my e-mail- and there it was- an e-mail from APPIC with my Match status. I opened it up and found that I had matched with my first choice internship site.
WWWHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOO!!! (the sound of relief and excitement at the same time)
I called my wife and told her about it. Again, she was excited, but didn’t really get the whole gravity of the matter or understand just how much was on the line. I updated my Facebook status, sat back and smiled, and then went to work. It was a very good day.
I have been on internship since September 1st of last year and am reaching the end of my graduate school career. To be honest I feel somewhat traumatized from the whole Match experience, as well as slightly jaded about my decision to become a psychologist. I do feel positive about my future, but the continued internship crisis is no doubt doing a significant amount of harm to the profession.
I felt for everyone applying for internship this year and going through the process. I wouldn’t wish the anxiety I felt about the whole process on anyone, and as it is now, I would have chosen a different path if I could go back and do it again. It would have been such a different experience if there were just enough internships to go around. I might have been concerned about where I would go and all of that, but I would know that something would work and I would graduate on time.
It’s different for people of different experiences and at different points in life I’m sure, but as a husband and father to three young boys, struggling just to make it- and someone who has been in school for now 13 years, I am still so thankful that I matched.
You hear about the numbers each year, and I think most people recognize that this process is tough, but that honestly doesn’t even begin to describe it. The anxiety and stress I felt at times was almost unbearable- to feel so little control over your future and what happens to you- and in some cases, your family.
Sure, we would have made it had I not matched, but I am really glad that I didn’t have to resort to a plan B. It’s not fair for anyone to have to go through that, and clearly something needs to be done to resolve this internship crisis. I have been fortunate to be a part of the APAGS Committee, and APAGS is very dedicated to bringing attention to the internship crisis and to working to find answers to alleviate it.
It is a very complicated issue as I have found, but most agree that the involved stakeholders need to take responsibility for their contribution to the issue, and become part of the solution instead of the problem. Although I successfully made it through the whole process, I remain very committed to helping others to get through it, as well as to brightening the future of our field of psychology.
